We were on our way out of a bar in Panama City Beach called Ms. Newby's in search of our next adventure. We were in the parking lot when we saw two young guys having a friendly, shirtless, wrestling match under a palm tree in the rain. Seemed like the perfect people to ask where a good place to party is, right? Wrong. They immediately became hostile towards us and got in our faces demanding to know "why the fuck they seemed like they would know where a party is" in thick southern accents. I informed them that a lot of times people having shirtless wrestling matches in the rain know how to party.
One of the guys came up to me all pissed off with pupils the size of dinner plates, and was clearly suffering from Napoleon Syndrome as he was one of the most riled up little men I had ever come across. Despite the distinct twang in his voice, he couldn't stop talking about how hard he was because he was from Detroit. I responded with a sarcastic, "Word Homie, D-Town down." That's when he turned on Eminem mode. This song is probably the best way to describe exactly the situation I was faced with.
Now anyone that knows me knows that I can't help but laugh at this type of behavior. The other guy, who began as the more laid back one, had a trash stache that would make even the most rabid pedophile jealous, and a ponytail that made him look like a scrawny inbred Steven Segal that was conceived during a meth fueled conjugal visit.
I don't claim to be a tough guy, and I grew out of the whole fighting people thing as a teenager, but if there were ever two people that I came across that were deserving of an ass kicking it was these two relentless pieces of shit. It was our first night going out in Panama City Beach, we didn't know what these guys were capable of or who they knew, and the closest person that had our backs was 1000 miles away. We decided it was easiest to just get in our car and go and let these two shirtless degenerates get back to rolling around with each other in the rain.
Dan was in the driver seat with the key in the ignition when the white trash ponytailed guy pulled his door open. He was able to pull the door back shut as the turd nugget began punching the window. Inbredinem must have thought he was the Hulk or something by thinking he was going to keep us from leaving by standing behind the car and kicking the bumper. Dan slammed his car in reverse as we quickly backed out and heard a loud thud and a faint yell. Ponytail asshole was bruising his knuckles while he was trying to punch through my window. I sat there looking at him with a shit eating grin on my face as Dan put the car in drive and we laughed the whole way down the street about how he just used his Camry to take out the toughest little red neck ever produced by the Detroit streets.
“If there's not drama and negativity in my life, all my songs will be really whack and boring or something.” -Eminem
No comments:
Post a Comment